• BASIC - Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control

• CD-ROM - Consumer Device - Rendered Obsolete in Months

• COBOL - Completely Obsolete Business-Oriented Language

• DEC - Do Expect Cuts

• DOS - Defective Operating System

• IBM - I Blame Microsoft

• LISP - Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parenthesis

• MICROSOFT - Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers

• MIPS  - Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed

• OS/2 - Obsolete Soon, Too

• PCMCIA - People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms

• PENTIUM - Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics

• RISC - Reduced Into Silly Code

• SCSI - System Can't See It

• WINDOWS - Will Install Needless Data on Whole System

• WWW - World Wide Wait

• Mike Tyson Virus - Quits after one byte.

• The Ellen Degeneres Virus - Your IBM suddenly claims it's a MAC.

• Titanic Virus - Makes your whole computer go down.

• Disney Virus - Everything in the computer goes Goofy.

• Prozac Virus -Screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care.

• Kevorkian Virus - Searches your hard drive for old files and deletes them.

• Oprah Winfrey Virus - Your 200 MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80 MB, and then slowly expands to 300 MB.

• AT&T Virus - Every 3 minutes it tells you what a great service you are getting.

• MCI Virus - Every 3 minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T Virus.

• Viagra Virus - Makes your hair looks like Don King's.

Toasters...

Strange Help Desk Requests
 

• "Could you please install the Internet on my computer?"
• "This PC just performed an illegal operation!  Will I get in trouble?"
• "How do I prevent the coffee cup holder (CD-ROM drive) from going back into the computer?"
• "Please warn me next time my computer is going to crash."
• "Is there a way to cheat at solitaire?"
• "Why doesn't my mouse work?" (user was waving mouse in the air rather than using it on her desktop)
• "How do I push those buttons on the screen?" (user was unaware that the mouse was necessary fro navigation)
• "Can you please help me open the shrink-wrap on my software?"
• "Is it necessary for me to plug in my tape drive before I back up data?"
• "I write 'click' but nothing is happening!" (help desk technician had asked end user to "right click")
• "I need help un-sending the e-mail I just sent!"
• "Could you please fix my computer at home?"
• "How do I plug in my PC?"

Contributed by RHI Consulting

Humor for Webmasters